Joe Swanson
Joseph "Joe" Swanson is a macho paraplegic police officer in the Quahog Police Department who is at many times subject to intense anger problems. He is married to Bonnie, and has two children, Susie, and Kevin. He is the fourth member of the group of buddies (along with Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire) who lives on Spooner Street. He met Peter when, after just moving into Quahog, the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory needed a final member for their company baseball team. Peter knew that Joe had won many awards for playing baseball in the past; he did not know that Joe was paralyzed below the waist. However, as he does most of the time, Joe proved that this wasn't enough to stop him and he led the team to victory. He lives at 33 Spooner Street with his wife, Bonnie and baby daughter Susie. Joe received his paralyzing injury one year on Christmas. He was investigating a robbery at an orphanage, and during a faceoff with the perpetrator, he slid off the roof tripping on a roller skate, injuring his spine and leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. He regained movement of his legs for a brief time, but his son, Kevin, accidentally ran into him, re-paralyzing him. In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", he could walk again. However, everyone starts losing faith in Joe, and he paralyzes himself. However, his handicap (though he wouldn't call it that) doesn't prevent him from serving on the police force or choreographing local musicals. Joe has severe anger issues which often manifest in explosively violent outburst at random times throughout the show. A few notable examples of this are beating his son Kevin in a blind rage to the point Kevin had to live with a foster family, and shooting the left overs of his 16oz steak (then turning the gun on his friends) after being mocked for not being able to finish it. These outburst seem to stem from Joe's inability to cope with being handicapped and being mocked with the situations that stem from being so. Joe is arguably the best hand to hand fighter in the entire show. Despite his condition, it has been seen on numerous occasions that he is able to completely overwhelm other characters who are accomplished fighters in their own right such as Lois Griffin, A Black Belt and Peter, known for long violent battles with Ernie The Giant Chicken. Joe has also shown the ability to easily take on multiple enemies at once such as his encounter a large number of armed midgets in "The Thin White Line" and Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland in "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air". In "Da Boom" it is shown that despite the lower part of his body being melted into his driveway, Joe is perfectly able to fight and defeat a giant mutated rat. He is the only person on Spooner Street who actually pays for his family's cable. In "Dog Gone", Peter dropped off an unconscious Consuela on his front porch. As usual, she needs more lemon Pledge. Joe promises to get her more lemon Pledge. The only immediate Griffins he has not arrested yet are Stewie and Chris. However, Peter's arrest came in the simulation that is "Stewie Kills Lois". In "Lois Kills Stewie", he pursues Stewie for attempted murder, however this too was only a simulation. He has in fact arrested Meg twice, in "Untitled Griffin Family History" and "Dial Meg for Murder". In each part of Laugh It Up Fuzzball: The Family Guy Trilogy, he plays a different character. In Blue Harvest, he played Biggs Darklighter, a member of the Rebel Alliance. In Something, Something, Something, Dark Side, he played an Imperial Probe Droid. In It's A Trap!, he played Jabba the Hutt, as they share immobility without aid from other sources. Relatives *Bonnie Swanson (wife) *Kevin Swanson (son) *Susie Swanson (daughter born in episode "Ocean's Three and a Half") Notes *He actually used his legs to kick a kid/midget in "The Thin White Line". However, it is possible he swung his wheelchair so the legs hit the midgets. *His legs moved involuntarily in "The Juice Is Loose" during the pillow fight scene. *Joe forms the head of the Voltron-like Crippletron. *In "Love Thy Trophy", he briefly stands unassisted as a continuity goof. *In "Three Kings" Joe's legs are damaged three times **In Stand By Me his legs get run over by two trains, **In Misery he gets shot in the legs (and then killed) by Stewie, **In The Shawshank Redemption his legs were beaten by cops with nightsticks. *In "Peter's Progress", Joe is said to have been an octopus in a past life, and the octopus had its legs eaten off by a shark. Fortunately for the Octopus-Joe, the severed legs of an octopus can grow back, another reference to his legs. *In "Petergeist" Joe has a home theater he calls Joe Swanson Theatres which sequence is a parody of Tri Star Pictures. *In "The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair" Joe is shown to have received many phone calls from Peter insulting him about his disability, though Joe cannot figure out who it is. *In "Brian the Bachelor" he uses his leg to put out the flamed poo in a bag while smelling his legs he says "Dooty!" while Bonnie replies "Hang on Joe, I'm doing The dishes I'll change you in a minute". *In "Friends of Peter G", Joe is seen driving up to the community center in a police car, yet still gets out on his wheelchair to enter the building. Episode Appearances *FG105 "A Hero Sits Next Door" *FG203 "Da Boom" *FG205 "Love Thy Trophy" *FG207 "The King Is Dead" *FG208 "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar" *FG211 "A Picture's Worth a Thousand Bucks" *FG212 "Fifteen Minutes of Shame" *FG218 "E. Peterbus Unum" *FG220 "Wasted Talent" *FG221 "Fore Father" *FG301 "The Thin White Line" *FG304 "One if by Clam, Two if by Sea" *FG305 "And the Wiener is..." *FG307 "Lethal Weapons" *FG310 "A Fish out of Water" *FG311 "Emission Impossible" *FG313 "Screwed the Pooch" *FG315 "Ready, Willing, and Disabled" *FG316 "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas" *FG317 "Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows" *FG319 "Stuck Together, Torn Apart" *FG321 "Family Guy Viewer Mail No. 1" *FG402 "Fast Times at Buddy Cianci Jr. High" (Law & Order intro) *FG403 "Blind Ambition" *FG404 "Don't Make Me Over" *FG405 "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire" *FG406 "Petarded" *FG407 "Brian the Bachelor" *FG409 "Breaking Out is Hard to Do" *FG410 "Model Misbehavior" *FG412 "The Perfect Castaway" *FG413 "Jungle Love" *FG415 "Brian Goes Back to College" *FG416 "The Courtship of Stewie's Father" *FG417 "The Fat Guy Strangler" *FG418 "The Father, the Son, and the Holy Fonz" *FG419 "Brian Sings and Swings" *FG420 "Patriot Games" *FG421 "I Take Thee Quagmire" *FG422 "Sibling Rivalry" *FG424 "Peterotica" *FG425 "You May Now Kiss the...Uh...Guy Who Receives" *FG426 "Petergeist" *FG427 "Untitled Griffin Family History" *FG430 "Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure" *FG501 "Stewie Loves Lois" *FG503 "Hell Comes to Quahog" *FG505 "Whistle While Your Wife Works" *FG507 "Chick Cancer" *FG508 "Barely Legal" *FG509 "Road to Rupert" *FG510 "Peter's Two Dads" *FG511 "The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou" *FG512 "Airport '07" *FG513 "Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey" *FG514 "No Meals on Wheels" *FG517 "It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One" *FG518 "Meet the Quagmires" *FG601 Blue Harvest (as Biggs Darklighter) *FG603 "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air" *FG604 "Stewie Kills Lois" *FG605 "Lois Kills Stewie" *FG606 "Padre de Familia" *FG607 "Peter's Daughter" *FG609 "Back to the Woods" *FG610 "Play It Again, Brian" (mentioned) *FG611 "The Former Life of Brian" *FG612 "Long John Peter" *FG701 "Love, Blactually" *FG703 "Road to Germany" *FG704 "Baby Not On Board" *FG705 "The Man with Two Brians" *FG706 "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" (heard only) *FG707 "Ocean's Three and a Half" *FG708 "Family Gay" *FG709 "The Juice Is Loose" *FG710 "FOX-y Lady" *FG712 "420" *FG713 "Stew-Roids" *FG715 "Three Kings" *FG716 "Peter's Progress" *FG801 "Road to the Multiverse" *FG802 "Family Goy" *FG803 "Spies Reminiscent of Us" *FG804 "Brian's Got a Brand New Bag" *FG806 "Quagmire's Baby" *FG807 "Jerome Is the New Black" *FG808 "Dog Gone" *FG809 "Business Guy" *FG810 "Big Man on Hippocampus" *FG811 "Dial Meg for Murder" *FG812 "Extra Large Medium" *FG813 "Go, Stewie, Go!" *FG814 "Peter-assment" *FG815 "Brian Griffin's House of Payne" *FG816 "April in Quahog" *FG818 "Quagmire's Dad" *FG819 "The Splendid Source" *FG820 Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (as Imperial Probe Droid) *FG821 "Partial Terms of Endearment" *FG901 "And Then There Were Fewer" *FG903 "Welcome Back, Carter" *FG904 "Halloween on Spooner Street" *FG905 "Baby, You Knock Me Out" *FG907 "Road to the North Pole" *FG908 "New Kidney in Town" *FG909 "And I'm Joyce Kinney" (non-speaking cameo) *FG910 "Friends of Peter G" *FG912 "The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair" *FG914 "Tiegs for Two" *FG917 "Foreign Affairs" *FG918 It's A Trap! (as Jabba the Hutt) *FG1001 "Lottery Fever" *FG1002 "Seahorse Seashell Party" (mentioned) Swanson, Joe